Admonition; to absorb and fully understand the messages conveyed in this article, you are advised to read with an objective mind devoid of past knowledge or sentiments on this topic so you may not experience cognitive dissonance.
I have never fully vibrated with the phrase “self love” and this is why;
Self love means having regard for oneself, having a healthy amount of self esteem and respect for oneself and all other good stuffs that should make one a complete human being, which is not bad at all.
Everyone needs that, no one should tolerate crap or nonsense, that is just breeding evil and injustice and giving it a foothold in our lives.
The problem with us humans is weather we like it or not, consciously or unconsciously, intentionally or not, we render distortions to all concepts and definitions. Why is this so? It is simply because of different stages of individual development and comprehension. The word “love” means different things to different people. No two people defines love exactly the same way even if the same words were used, what each individual feel at the mention of love is totally different. There might be a lot of similarities but they are never exactly the same.
I’ve seen a lot of people behave badly all in the name of self love. Which is why I feel a lot of clarity is needed on the subject;
1, self love isn’t selfish or greedy. Don’t because of self love, turn selfish, the term on its own looks selfish which is part of the reason I don’t like that word because everything has to do with “me” or “i”! Which to be honest seems selfish. I’ve seen people ruin their relationships all because of self love and putting self first without wanting to compromise, or better understand their partners. There is nothing wrong with sacrifice…. If our parents practiced the type of self love some people practice, they would not even have kids or they would always put their needs first. Meaning, they would buy a car first before paying our school fees, or eating to their satisfaction while there is very little left in the pot for all children to share.
In relationships, people are often afraid of sacrifice or investments because it might all go south. The only time this would be a problem is if the feeling of “love” isn’t mutual. On the onset of love, you would always want to make the person happy and not want to disappoint them you would always want them to see you in that positive ray they have always seen you. Now tell me, how is this possible when we all go about with the wrong application of self love? If both parties love each other equally, there would be nothing like “self” both would work towards serving each other. True love is service. Now pay attention, the one who loves you would never do to you or request anything from you that would make you unhappy, miserable or take a toll on you. Requesting such from you is SELFISH and such is not true love, Run away! How do we fare in cases where both parties are not willing to invest in each other emotionally all because of wrong application of self love? Love itself is too much for an individual to behold, you trying to hold onto it all by yourself would make you implode! Love is what pulsate every corner of this creation and is meant for sharing. But do not make yourself a slave or serve a wrong course
2, Self love is not self indulgent, complacent, smug or rigid. (this is the definition of a stupid person) no one is without fault, your responsibility as an individual is to look deep within yourself and find out what needs gromming, trimming or complete uprooting. You have to face the consequences of your actions, and take responsibility for them all, accept the fact that there are people more experienced and wiser than you are, have the humility to learn from them. a complacent person is probably the most annoying, don’t be stupid. If you really loved yourself, you can’t afford to be rigid because it gives no room for development.
3, self love isn’t “judgey” How other people live their lives is none of your business, self love to some extent means minding your own business and not pass moral judgement on others (for all you know, they are much better than you are, shut up.) if you feel the urge to genuinely ask what is wrong, go ahead. Don’t go with a corrupt motive.
4, The meaning of love thy neighbor as thyself does not mean love yourself first, it simply means, do to other what you want them to do to you.
self love isn’t rude. You are not to allow people walk all over you. Doesn’t mean you are supposed to be rude or prepare for confrontation at all times. Treat people right at all times like you would want them to treat you.
5, “Know thyself!” self love is synonymous to self discovery. Know your strength, acknowledge and work on your weaknesses, dig out all that is buried in you (both good and bad) and make peace with it. Know what you want!
6, know what love is (check out apostle Paul’s teachings of love) when you have discovered love in its purest form, self would be buried in love. You would radiate and buzz love, even your words would be nothing but love (remember, love is justice, don’t be lose with evil, be strict with it)
7, Most importantly, help all those you are capable of helping. (don’t help the wrong course, remember, don’t breed evil) there is nothing wrong with sacrifice if the other party is in dire need of it. It’s not all the time you have to put yourself first, doing that is totally selfish.
With an objective mind, ask yourself if you have been selfish or practicing “self love”. I wish you all abundant love on your sojourn on this planet, don’t be selfish with it.